I had a dream this morning that Matt came and visited me at the apartment.

I saw him and was surprised and acted happy. I was a little confused and a little cautious of the whole thing, but hugged him none the less. He hugged me back in a genuine manner and kissed me on the top of my head (like he used to when we were dating). I dismissed it as habit acting out and let it slide.

I took him into the kitchen and asked him how the hell he was doing. I still felt confused and cautious but was trying to go through the motions of being nice. He told me it had been almost two years since he had last seen me. At this point the conversation gets a little fuzzy for me. I think i confirmed that it had been a long time. Matt then asked me "you know why I did what I did, right?" I looked at him, not thinking he would be the one to bring up our break up.

"There was no other way to get you to go away."

i remember thinking after he said that "huh. you know, hes probably right..."

I woke up shortly after that.

Honestly i know that sounds harsh and all and I'm not really sure why i dreamed that (i haven't really been thinking about Matt lately, atleast consciously) but it feels kind of good to have dreamed it. Like there was no other way things could have happened, and if they hadn't happened the way they did, things wouldn't be like they are now. And i like things now.

I am jealous.

Her book was really good. No lie. But my book was good too.

Oh well.

I had a dream last night that Jeff was flirting with and then proceeded to make out with some unknown girl, just to make me angry. I smacked him upside his balding little head as hard as I could.

Hes in Gainsville, FL until Sunday night. I really wish he was here calling me a silly girl.

Just so you all know:

I'm working on getting my shit together for my thesis -

http://clairefolkman.blogspot.com/

check it out!

I've been kinda a bad person lately.

Not good Claire. Not good.

At camp I worry about the male campers getting crushes on me.

I kinda forgot to worry about my male co-workers.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a crazy psycho bitch

But then I wouldn't be me anymore

And i'm really not that good at being anything other than me.

In the past week i've had two (possibly more) dreams with Matt in them.

humm.

oops, i forgot to tell you. I'm a stoner.

sorry about that.

Dear world,
I'm sorry i've been so shitty this week. I've been sick. I should be better this week.
Love always,
Claire

PS Fuck you too

I shaved my crotch for art

(and boy does it itch)

An artist by day
A babysitter by night
With haiku attacks

It is beautiful outside

And I am being productive

:)

Fellowship, Oh Fellowship, why will you not just die an easy death?

Why must every step be a battle?

I'm going to win. You really should just give up and go down peacefully. It is the noble thing to do.

You still haven't e-mailed me

But now I know it really is you and not me

And its so much easier from to deal with from this side.

I still miss Matt
I might have lost my Ron Burgandy pin
My apartment is a mess
I don't know where my bedroom rug is
Bill got paint on my Spirtied Away poster
I am mopey

I want to go back to Florida. Philadelphia is just too harsh a reality for me.

I'm trying to think up a witty two line letter to Walt Disney in which I inform him that I liked his World, but I liked it even more because I didn't have to pay for it.

Somehow I talked my way into Disney World. It was pretty fucking sweet.

Im at my internship and I haven't done anything all day except google some mailing addresses.

The tea I drank this morning smelled like lemon and tasted like fresh cut grass.

I want to read a romance novel.

I won't have a new one until after the 28th of Jan.

School is about to re-start.

I'm excited but i'm going to be honest here

I'm a little stressed about it too

Hense the romance novel desire.

The problem with waking up at 3pm in January is I haven't seen the sun in a couple of days.

Then again, its been raining for a few days straight, so there wouldn't have been much sunlight anyway.

Ah well.